and Caylees learning from their
When I was doing my Parent Coach
training we had to develop a
This had to encaptulate what
your key message was that you
wanted to put out to the world.
Mine was made up from about
10 vignettes capturing significant
moments as I grew up right through
to my 30’s and now being
a mother. There is a key moment
in one of the vignettes where
I am getting annoyed with Caylee
and as I am speaking its as
if I can hear my own mum repeating
the same phrase. I commit to
wanting to say things in a different
way to Caylee at that moment
I have now being doing some
more work to develop my signatory
story and one of the key actions
was to read it to as many people
as I could. One of these key
people was Caylee. When I got
to the end I asked her for some
feedback. The first thing she
asked was, “ That story about you
and me having an argument, was
that a true story?”
I was really struck by the question
and said “Yes of course
it was true, don’t you
She said “No, but its
And then it got me thinking.
This scenario had happened about
18 months ago but had really
stuck out in my mind. I had
felt really guilty that Caylee
was so upset at the time and
said she thought my clients
meant more to me than she did.
Now she was saying she did not
And it got me thinking……..What
else do we put our own interpretation
on and think everyone else must
also experience the same meaning
and intensity. What do we perhaps
hold on to for months even years
perhaps feeling guilty and thinking
others involved remember those
events in the way we do?
An even harder question to answer
is what do we gain by holding
on to certain memories and beliefs
about people and events. For
example feeling guilty because
someone you love is involved
in a car crash after you have
had a blazing row with them.
The person is then so riddled
with holding on to the guilt
that it prevents them from moving
forward in other relationships.
They then use this as an excuse
to not live their lives in the
way they possibly could.
What do YOU need to let go of
today that will enable you to
move forward with ease and lightness?
I also decided that this could
help me look at things in a
different way to Caylee. I said
something the other day to Caylee
in complete innocence. In my
view Caylee completely took
it out of context and read into
what I had said. I found myself
getting really annoyed with
Caylee and telling her it was
ridiculous what she had interpreted
from it. On reflection thinking
what I could do differently
one of the things was to not
get pulled into the detail of
the argument. The bottom line
was Caylee had interpreted it
differently and put her own
meaning to it. That did not
mean it was ridiculous or wrong.
It was just different to what
my meaning was. By accepting
her meaning was valid I was
bale to not get so annoyed by
it and was also able to give her reassurance that I loved her and respected her opinion.
On talking to one of my colleagues,
Sarah Newton a Coach for Teens
we began to discuss the developmental
changes young people go through
from concrete to abstract thought.
Caylee is now 11 and is about
the sort of age where abstract
thinking will start to develop
more rapidly. Everything starts
to become centred around that
persons world. They begin to
question more of where they
fit into the world and their
So the most important thing
is to REASSURE rather than RETALIATE.
want to finish this piece by
saying the BOOK Caylee and I
are writing is being notched
up a gear. I am exploring publishers
at the moment who may be interested
in our book idea. I am also
now starting to type up our
thoughts and collections over
the last year. YES LAST YEAR!!!
I suddenly realised the other
day it was 11th January 2004
when me and Caylee showed our
commitment to the book by both
signing a contract with each
other. So it seems rather appropriate
that the deadline for the first
manuscript is going to be end
of January. WATCH THIS SPACE!!!
And be ready to tell the WORLD.
The Artist’s Way. A Course
in Discovering and Recovering
your Creative Self. Julia Cameron.
Pan Macmillan Ltd. 1995 ISBN
have noticed no book reports
on parents and kids books in
this newsletter. Well you are
right and it is no coincidence.
This last month I have been
looking after myself more. Whenever
I read any books I normally
am thinking about how I can
adapt and develop the ideas
to use with other people.
Although I have still recommended
the tool of writing to my clients
if I have felt it appropriate,
I have used this book far more
for ME and my own personal development.
The Artists Way consists of
12 Chapters that correspond
to 12 weeks worth of self discovery
through writing. One of the
main tasks is each morning you
write 3 pages of free flow writing.
It does not matter what it is
or whether it makes sense but
you just write whatever is in
your head. There is then a weekly ‘Artists Date’ where
you commit to doing something
creative for at least 2 hours.
Then each week you reflect on
the week and have lots of additional
activities you can explore if
you have the time. I think the
strength of the book is in the
structure it offers to write,
the activities to explore and
the unknown that comes only
from the process of getting
your thoughts out of your head
What I found a little off putting
for me was some of the language
used i.e. Recovery. I found
this a bit too heavy. I also
found that as I have spent a
number of years understanding
myself more and continue to
do so the book sometimes took
me to far back to ‘recovery’
language. However once I ignored
this and used it for the discipline
of the writing pages and the
activities alone I found I rediscovered
my joy for writing just for
the sake of it.
Get Clients Now. A 28 Day Marketing
Program for Professionals and
Consultants. C.J.Hayden. AMACOM
Now is a 28 day program for
sales and marketing success
that gives you a step by step
action plan for getting all
the clients you need. It tells
you what to do, how to meet
your goals with the least amount
of time and effort, and how
to keep yourself motivated.
What I liked about the book
was the daily introduction and
inspirational ‘food for
thought’. I also liked
the way you could dip into particular
sections of the book depending
on which strategies you were
implementing. I have done the
full course for 28 days from
the book and have continually
dipped in to it every so often
when I want to keep myself on
track. This is a book I can
imagine I will keep dipping
into once in a while. I would
find it hard to believe anyone
who had implemented the whole
program as it describes and
not see any improvement in their
business and number of clients.
don’t think there are
many negatives other than there
is some Americanisms that would
be useful being translated.
Also some of the references
to the services are also American
as well so would be useful to
find the UK equivalent.
Definitely a must buy!
has not done a book report this
month she has done the diamond
poem you see on the first page
of this document. You will also
see she has shown how a diamond
poem consists of a number of
syllables going in a certain
order. This is her contribution.
I was thinking of putting it
in after the 2 book reports
but if you think it looks better
somewhere else then let me know.